Happy Double Ten Day

We used to call or text one another, “Happy Double Ten Day”. It was our little shtick between us. She was born in Taipei, Taiwan while her father was stationed there with the U.S. Army. When she was a little girl she had difficulty understanding genetics. “Why don’t I look Chinese? I was born in Taiwan. No one believes me.” So Double Ten Day was something she claimed. That thinnest of connections to the Orient. She also claimed the entire month of October, the birthstone opal, and the astrological sign of Scorpio, and all her loved ones. She claimed us. For forty-six physical years, I was her mother. She died on the tenth of December. We are coming up on the third year.

The tenth of every month sits differently now for me. Some have gone by without a thought at all and some have hit me so hard, I’ve had to pause and honor it and hold it awhile. Since the last anniversary, ten months ago, they pass with slight remembrance. This year has been, “Oh, look it’s October. Oh look, it’s Double Ten Day. Oh look, it’s almost her birthday”, (the 27th).

It hasn’t all been a breeze. Last week when October was getting started, I thought back to three years ago. The trip I didn’t take to see her. The memories we don’t have. The spontaneous wave of regret and grief hit while I was grocery shopping and it was all I could do to hold it together. After I packed the car, I folded myself over the steering wheel and wept and pleaded her forgiveness. That was over quickly. I sense from her a strong, loving, and understanding connection. I am hers.

My first realization of Double Ten Day was the celebration I almost saw. Double Ten Day is a national holiday celebrated in Taiwan marking the birth of the Chinese Nationalist Party. It is celebrated for other reasons on Mainland China. And like most things in that part of the world, it is steeped in controversy.

I had been on the island less than three months. Our neighbors invited us to ride down the mountain and into the city to witness the speeches and military parades. It’s a subtropical climate and I was nine months pregnant and not at all accustomed to that kind of humidity and heat. Their beat up old car was without air-conditioning. That’s what I remember. That and the fact, due to poor directions and blocked roadways, by the time we arrived, it was over. I found that funny. That set the tone for keeps. It’s a holiday we know exists, yet never quite get to, and that part of it amuses us. Seventeen days later is our true celebration.

Today, I feel nothing at all. One can only feel something for a personal contrivance for so long, especially without the sole partner to keep the shtick going. But, I do remember fondly that year of living in Taiwan and the little girl on my hip.

She was the happiest of babies. In contrast to the searing heat of the city, we were quite comfortable living on the mountain, Yangmingshan. The clean and cool mountain air left little need of the air-conditioning and we left the windows open. Her laughter and cooing was heard by our neighbors. She earned the nickname, Giggles.

She slept through the night well before one month. She traveled easily anywhere I took her, and I took her everywhere without any second thought. She was a great starter baby.

Like the photos from that time, the memories also fade. But, the love remains.

The love remains.

Happy Double Ten Day.

(The End.)

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