One Form or Another

Today would have been my daughter Dani’s birthday, except no, she’s dead and gone. Except she’s also here the way the spiritual part of us is eternal.

What I loved most about her was her sense of humor and the way we laughed together. The side splitting, my stomach hurts, I can’t breathe, kind of laughter. 

Yesterday, I laughed like that with my other daughter. She had put together a new desk chair and was showing me her latest accomplishment. The boxes and packaging materials were still scattered about in her room. I picked up two long packaging foam bars and threw one at her and challenged her to a dual. Mine was shorter and more firm, hers was long and wobbly. We looked ridiculous. Jabs, both literal and verbal, were flying fiercely. It was too much. I doubled over in laughter. It was emotionally delicious.

Another thing I loved about Dani was her ability to live in the moment with others and keep her mess and worries out of the equation. I’ve been thinking about that and trying that on for size. Sharing moments and nows with others gets more and more rare, I want to strive to honor and cherish them as they come my way. 

I loved her beautiful blue eyes.

She had a pretty face and her eyes were beautiful. I forget what color eyes people have when I’m looking at them. I’m feeling more than seeing when I’m in person with others. Though, it must register in my brain on some level. Her blue eyes were genetic gifts from two others I loved deeply; my dad and my mother-in-law. Dani’s eyes were blue and beautiful and carried the strength and love and the personal history we shared together, as well as with her grandparents. 

We are more than ourselves as an individual, we are composites of others, everything and everyone runs through us. Albert Einstein said, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form or another.” Today, I like to think I am channeling my daughter’s beautiful energy. Laughter. Compassion. Beauty. 

And Love. 

Today, I want to simply recall the love she had for me. I intend to bask in it. I also, endeavor to share it. 

I love you Dani.

(The End.)